a literary playground

By: Kayla Schwab

i’m trying to master the graceful management of stress
but rain remains in the forecast.
i am projected to be awful,
running headlong into the storm
like riding my bike with increasingly weakening breaks—
this might be a skill issue.

my mind is a holding cell where thoughts go
not to rot but to toil. thoughts with real potential
caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.
can you die from thinking too hard?
when i enter a room, my rumination precedes me
and this does more damage than a reputation.

sometimes i take comfort in the familiarity of my worries
dancing on the walls like the shadows of my hand
contorting. the introduction of a door would simply crack
me open, my consciousness spilling into the corridor. it’s not
that i want to be the centerpiece of a cliché but i can’t
seem to find a satisfactory answer to what is stirring inside me.

my therapist said “everything can change in a minute”
so that’s why i try to meditate. i often envision the moon
or sometimes the sun, glowing orbs of light, the way they
look swollen hanging low on the horizon. this is known
as the Ponzo illusion. nature is full of tricks it seems and i am
constantly being made a fool. i think about how Ponzo

sounds like Ponzi and wonder if i’m part of the scheme,
investing in a life that i may never see returns on. all i want
is to sit on a balcony dripping with ivy. when the rain
finally comes, i’ll be sitting there, taking it in,
waiting to empty it all into the storm gutter,
my momentary escape.

About the Artist:

Kayla Schwab is a Brooklyn-based poet, copywriter and yoga teacher. She is a programming associate at Brooklyn Poets, where she is helping to develop youth-based workshops and other programs. Kayla has also taught workshops for Brooklyn Poets, Poetry Society of New York, and New York Public Library. Her work has been published in Stone Pacific Zine, Intangible and Oyedrum, which nominated her poem “Great Expectations” for a Pushcart Prize in 2021. You can find more of her work at kaylaschwab.com or connect with her on Instagram at @80smomchic.